Teenage Junkie LOVE

I can remembering being in love for the first time. How could anyone forget that? This guy was my modern day prince charming and every moment with him was filled with lust and passion. mix the drugs we did and who knows what I was feeling, but I know today I feel like a fat slug totally unmotivated. This guy...we will call him Dave, ironic enough..Well, here I was this little goth strung out on meth 17 years old and a virgin at that. I was soft spoken at times.. other times I just seemed to get out there.  I was an unpredictable mothers worst nightmare. Dave was my world. We got high together, went out at night together just playing in the streets of Salem Oregon We got to know one another inside out. I shared pieces of my heart with this guy and he had my heart in his hands..looking into his ocean blue eyes was intoxicating.... The feeling is still so close as I recall those warm summer nights that turned into days as the methanphanamine took us all over the city and in the end....we all just sort of drifted apart. I know I got hooked on heroin, Nikki died of an overdose. I emailed lover boy Dave the other day and he is on probation. on medical marijuana and a full time college student. He is still undeniably sexy with eyes as blue as the sea and a sexy little gap in his trademark smile...He has filled out well now that hes not tweaking and I have to say I too have filled out in a much more unflattering manner....
Anyway thats all I got to say on that. It was just a random feeling that has had be captive so i felt compelled to write about it. First love. *cye* I'm one in a million still thinking about that guy...lol my mind is a trip of a thing, no?

Thoughts

I remember frolicking in the meadow with my rot mix dog named Tippy.  The valley was warm and it turned the once green pastures littered with wild flowers brown and sparse of any life. Burrs stuck to my worn out shoes and dirt made its way even between my nails......I would walk around in the woods surrounding our property always looking for a new journey or experience. I just loved to be out in nature.

20 years later and I have lost sight as to what holds true to me. I haven't been out in nature for so long i forgot what what it feels like to have legs that can scurry up an oak tree or even the feeling of reaching the top of one of those huge ass poplar trees. Risks I took. Direction- not so much.

I suppose that is exactly why i became an addict. lol who knows because I sure don't. 

I just know this. I'm blessed today. I have been hearing in the news of all this panic and war, sickness. Its bad. I hear it. Here I have such a happy, healthy three year old daughter who looks just like her older brother. 

Ultimately I will live life to the fullest never denying my children a moment of joy. I will be forever grateful to a loving God for whom without I would face certain death. Heck, id been dead years ago...

Rainmommy